A few weeks ago a poem by my friend Megan was posted on this blog (with her permission of course), and it’s one of the more important things that I’ve read, as a person who undergoes the throes of depression now and again.
I’m not clinically diagnosed.
“I sit here thinking about depression and I have a confession
I used the word depressed without being diagnosed”
I feel like a lot of us aren’t either. This is important. It’s not a bad thing, at least, I don’t think it is. We shouldn’t be looked down upon or stigmatized because our “problems” aren’t officially recognized. They’re important to us.
“They scoff at what’s described as an inability to deal with emotion
Not understanding the notion of…
Well I don’t really know what it is
But it’s me
And this is my reality”
But at the same time, we might want this label to justify that “YES! My problems are real!” There’s this surrounding stigma that being depressed, clinically or other wise, is this “thing” that “crazy people” have when really…it’s not.
“Instantly I start to panic
At the thought of a diagnosis as if it is a prognosis for my future
The creation of a label, a fable for my life
To be told and retold until it can be sold as my memoir
No longer a girl… but a definition”
Depression is something that’s perfectly normal. Sometimes it hits us more often than others or deeper than others, but at the end of the day we define who and what we are. What we’re allowed to do. What we should or shouldn’t do. Even on days when we feel like we can’t.
“Call me depressed or bipolar
But, I absorb the solar energy from the galaxy where reality is in the fallen stars that create dreams in the palms of my hands and demands me to take hold of them
But some days depression steals my motivation
And dreams seem out of reach orbiting beyond my center of gravity
And I’m mad at me
For wallowing in self pity and allowing a shitty day to destroy me
Just because I can’t see the stars…doesn’t mean I shouldn’t hold out my hands”
Megan and I met when she contacted me out of the blue when I was feeling depressed. Some days, we all just need someone to reach out to us. Some days, we need to be that person.
Megan’s been doing poetry since she was 10 and since February of 2014 she’s been doing slam poetry as part of the incredibly supportive Vancouver Slam Poetry Community. You can read the entire poem (in order) and more of her work over on Megan’s tumblr here: http://meganoakley14.tumblr.com/post/77837797596/i-sit-here-thinking-about-depression-and-i-have-a