My journey with anxiety has been over the period of my 20.5 years and has always had ups and downs. Lately, I have been taking some steps to trying to improve my mentality when it comes to anxiety. With the stigma that there is around mental illness, I found myself giving me a hard time for not being 100% all the time. I realized that was not a healthy choice, and strove to make a change:
- I tend to be fairly open these days, with the fact that I have anxiety. For people that I find to be my close friends, I try to explain how anxiety feels and decided to reach actively for support or just hang around positive people to make me feel better.
- I am more readily understanding to myself when I have bad days. Just yesterday, I received some upsetting news and decided to cancel a meeting I had scheduled, to give myself some time to breathe.
- I am also working more on being aware of what is happening when I have anxiety attacks. For example, with my anxiety, I usually get usually cold, have shaky hands, a sudden onset of exhaustion, the feeling of wanting to vomit, and either a tight chest or extensive back pain. Tapping into those bodily cues and recognizing them helps me to go “Hey Bec, you need a break from the situation.”
- Finally, I try not to take things to heart as much. With the stress of the fourth year expectations, family, friendship/relationship ups and downs, etc., I usually just live in a state of perpetual high anxiety. To add some comedic relief, I have a running joke with a dear friend that we need to ‘schedule time for weeping’. It’s just a funny way of realizing the truth to our situation and the reality that breaks are good.
My last post over a month ago was about my ‘goals’ for the New Year. I have been happily been chipping away on them. #8 on my list was “push your limits.” If anyone knows me, I’m very indecisive when faced with major spur of the moment decisions. I just get super anxious about it and run in the opposite direction, always playing on the cautious side of life! I heard my friend called it “analysis paralysis” the other day and I find that very accurate. However, a major stride I have taken in my journey to get past that barrier was going to auditions for local community theatre. I have always been involved on the stage. I took voice lessons and was in a professional choir for 10 years. I’m usually humming or singing terribly to the radio. I last year I was in a UOIT Drama club play. So in the middle of my stress filled semesters this academic year, I thought I would be adventurous and audition. I ended up being Assistant Stage manager (ASM) in one production and have been cast in another! Wooooo – go me and that meant I accomplished #10 on my list too – “Put yourself 1st!” One problem, I’m not really used to always being on the go….
Welcome to 2016 everyone!
I can definitely say, I did not write in this blog as much as I would have like last semester. With the new year upon me, I decided to do some self reflection on my past, and whether there really is such a thing as ‘New Year, New Me’:
At the start of 2015, I chased after guys who didn’t like me, trying to overcome my introvertedness by becoming more popular and putting others in front of myself.
In hindsight, I regret nothing.
It was eye opening to see how fighting for affection from others ended up tearing me down because in the end, I needed to support myself. 2016 is all about becoming a happier girl seeking out how to be ME and not the ‘me’ I thought people wanted me to be. I still get anxiety and self doubt, and I realize that it is a long road to reach where I want to be.
In order to do that, I created a list of ‘goals’ that I wanted to have for 2016. These are not hard and fast resolutions, they are not things that I can easily falter on. There are phrases that will push me to become healthier in both mind and body. I thought that I would write about each one over this month and encourage all of you to make up a few little ‘action phrases’ to boost you up over this new year!
So I recently went through a pretty drama filled few weeks that put a lot of strain on my mental/physical health as well as my super busy schedule. Between the mental doubts and questions roaming around my mind, I still faced the task of working, commuting to school, organizing my extracurriculars, participating in class, starting/finishing assignments, attending meetings, cleaning the house, talking to my parents…. heck – talking to people in general! My mind was a mumbly-jumbly-whirly cesspool of thoughts that did nothing for me, but pop in and stress me out.
A friend saw that I am writing in this blog and ask me to discuss:
- How to plan out work on assignments/readings when you’re battling anxiety.
- How in general, to function when you’re just not feeling up to it.
This past week really got me thinking:
A thing that I often find when battling with anxiety or depression is the struggle to function when you really have to.
Thank you for stopping by!
My name is Rebecca and I wanted to quickly introduce myself before jumping straight into blogging 🙂
Here are 15 things about me, so you can get to know me a bit: