Time Management – How Do I Do It?

I am not trying to toot my own horn here but I am actually the best person I know at time management. I mean I would have to be with having two jobs, school full time, being on a committee and being a peer mentor…basically if I didn’t have amazing time management skills I think I would lose my mind. A lot of people ask me how I do it and I have decided to compose a list of ways you can be better at time management:

  1. Organization is everything – If you are not organized in your notes, daily schedules or things you do, then how do you expect to be organized in your head? I can admit I am not perfect and there are things I forget about all the time (supper is my best example) but by keeping some aspects of your life organized it will help to multi-task.
  2. Keep track of what you need to do, when you need to do it, and where – Keep a calendar, sticky notes, hell write it on your hand if it helps! It helps with organization, time keeping and it keeps you on track for what you need to do.
  3. Make a weekly schedule – Plan out your day, week, month, or even year! Determine how long you want to plan things for and do it. It honestly helps me when I know I have a deadline and make time around everything I need to do and what work needs to be done.
  4. Try to get your work done ahead of time – By making these schedules not only will you be able to work around other schedules like work and extra circulars, but you will be able to feel ahead of the game and be on the ball!

By following my list you should be able to be on your way to being a successful time manager!

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Worst Week Of My Life…

So unfortunately last week I had to make the hardest decision of my life. I had to decide it was time to say goodbye to my hedgehog Tyrion. He unfortunately had cancer and a bad bleed in his little tummy.

Tyrion had been with me through a lot of hard times. Having anxiety and sometimes doubting myself and the things I create or do made it hard to want to get out of bed or even face the world sometimes. Having Tyrion made it better and being his mommy made me feel like I was doing something right because I had him to count on me. When I was feeling down about myself or things I tried to do, I would take him out of his cage and cuddle with him and he would lay in my hair and give me little kisses and somehow I would feel a lot better.

I didn’t expect my hedgehog to die. It wasn’t something that was prolonged or drawn out. I thought he would get some medicine, he would go home and we would all be okay… unfortunately that was not the case and I was the biggest mess inside that Veterinary Hospital. He was only 2 and life was very unfair to me and him.

I try my best to be positive about the situation. He is no longer suffering and I gave him the best life he could have had. I was very proud to be his mom, especially when people anywhere, but mostly the vet’s office would gasp and coo at him saying he was so friendly and they had never experienced a hedgehog that way. I try my best to think of the good times and all the times we had together. It is hard not to talk to him anymore or to have to take care of something.

It also didn’t help that my vet bill was ridiculous. So in the ache of my snotty nose and tear filled agony, I also went mega broke. My anxiety is now up two fold because I no longer have the pet I had raised and cared for and my credit cards are through the roof. On top of all this I also get to go to work, school, and placement. Which did I mention I didn’t go to work that ENTIRE WEEK? Oh yeah, cause I wasn’t about to bawl in the middle of a lunch rush so… that was a no go. My mental health was a hell of a lot more important than my job at that point… and thankfully they were all understanding.

So where does this leave me? I am incredibly lonely, sad, and pretty fricken broke. A lot of people, including my vet, said that time heals and it will hurt for a while and I may not want another pet for a long time. The mourning and grief and hearing the “I’m sorry’s” are always the hardest but eventually they will get better.. or so I am told.

After all this there is a happy ending to this story, kinda. The other night I was looking through a buy and sell group I am a part of on my Facebook because I was bored mostly.. and I stumbled upon a little baby hedgehog, just a month old. Now I know a lot of people will tell me I should have patience and wait a little longer but I felt that seeing this little baby was a sign. I know Tyrion would want me to be happy and I have a lot (I mean A LOT) of love to give to another quill baby. So despite all my misery and sadness, I get to be a hedgehog mommy once again.

16467008_10211483025971957_1014904424_nNew baby

I will never ever forget Tyrion but I think this is a good way to settle my own grief and handle my own loss. This is not a replacement but just another hedgehog to care for and love and I am glad Tyrion taught me so many things about being a hedgehog mom because this will make me an even better mom this time around.

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Rest in peace Mister Tyrion, I love you ❤ xox

The End is Near… and the Anxiety is Real

Going into my final semester of my final year of University is well.. bitter sweet. I have worked very hard to get to this point but at the end of the rainbow is there really a pot of gold?

Now I don’t know if it’s the fact that I am pretty deathly ill and it’s just the cold medicine talking, or if I am still really just a little baby who does not want to adult, but the anxiety of this being over is super real and hard hitting. Do I want this to be over and all my hard work pays off and I get that beautiful piece of paper that cost me about 60,000 dollars or more? HELL YEAH I DO… but at the same time then I have to go out and get an adult job and what if that doesn’t happen?

Granted I mean I am taking another program (my family likes to call me the professional scholar) so that should give me time to reflect and take a step back and prepare myself for the future… but the future is scary and I don’t know if I am ready to get out of my blanket fort and put down the crayons. I know I am not the only one who feels this way.. maybe we can get a secret fort club together and try to one by one take it down eventually? Or we could just continue to color in coloring books until the inevitable happens. What do you say?

Positivity goes a long way, and hell so does a good nap and a blanket! Adulting can wait, til next time folks! PS. Join my club please, it’s lonely here haha

  • Trisha

 

 

End of the Semester Stretch

Every time the end of the semester hits I always get super lazy and complacent. It always happens… I want to get my stuff done and over with, but I can’t seem to just get it done. I stare at the paper for hours… I just want to give up and be done, but there is still so much more to do that I just want to sleep and not worry about finals.

Finals aren’t even a thing for me. I can’t study because all I want to do is again sleep. Maybe do a little crying and some stress eating.. and some more crying. I literally just want the semester over and I somehow cannot see the end in sight yet it is LITERALLY RIGHT THERE. I can never know why I cannot just get my butt off the couch and get the stuff done!

How do I beat this stretch and get on the ball? Well… usually I stop crying and hike up my socks and just take a mass amount of breaks and eat waaaaay too much chocolate. It may be hard but somehow I always get it done.

Basically, just try your best and breath. You are not the only one who is trying to fight the stretch and you can do it!! I believe in you! Good luck and kick some finals butts!

Compulsions, Self Harm and Showers – How My Anxiety Attacks Look

Everyone’s anxiety is different. Not any one panic or anxiety attack is the same. For people who think that anxiety attacks are generic and are just your typical shaking, rocking back and forth, hyperventilating mess of a human that you see before you, there is a hell of a lot more to it.

Allow me to demonstrate with my own version of the panic attacks I endure:

I begin with this overwhelmingly large and warm sense of dread in the pit of stomach. I cannot ignore it because it is continuously there to remind me “Oh hey, you know what you are anxious about, well here are like 10 million different scenarios that make this ten times worse for you…” and they replay over and over and over. I can’t think about anything else. I constantly look around as if the voices in my head are somehow stalking me from behind and the further I try to run the more they are right there.

I can’t just sit still while having an episode. I HAVE to be doing something..ANYTHING.. that will get me to make the dread stop. I walk around most the time to some unknown destination and get completely lost in my anxious thought processes. Usually it ends with me being very compulsive and either biting or scratching my hands and fingers to make the anxiety go away. Does it? Well no.. but for the time being it makes me feel a hell of a lot better til I realize I have completely marked up my own hand which just gives people more physical proof to how crazy I appear to be.

If the anxiety has yet to cease by the time I finish my clumsy and erratic wandering, then I try to combat it by sitting in the shower for at least an hour or two, hoping that the rushing water calms me.

But what if I physically can’t run away or there is no shower in site? Well then I tend to cry… a lot. I also hyperventilate, I compulsively ask the same questions over and over because I need the reassurance that everything is going to be alright, even if I do not feel like it will be in the moment. My friends get annoyed with me, I can tell, but I have no other way to calm the gnawing feelings in my stomach unless they repeat things to me, it gives me a sense of calm, even in my lack of control.

What starts these episodes to occur is really anything. I have intense fears of failure, being kidnapped (yeah that is actually real), my sister being hurt, conflict and getting in trouble, and just anything I cannot be in control of sends me into a downward spiral.

And that’s what my anxiety looks like. I am sure you can’t imagine how it feels, or maybe you can because you have your own version of it. It is pretty physically debilitating. Now I didn’t write this uberly dark blog to make people upset or to send them off on attacks of their own, but I wrote this to show awareness and how an anxiety attack is a lot more than what people think it is.

I also shared this because I think it is important for anyone who is struggling with any form of mental illness to get the help they need to live a completely full and healthy life. I wish you all the best in your journey and as you have seen in my first blog, my journey is on it’s way to a positive and healthy life.

Be the person you want yourself to be. Get the help. You have no idea how refreshing not being constantly in fear and being anxious can be.

Until next time,

Trisha

Overcoming Stigmas of Anxiety Medication Use

For as long as I can remember, my family has been very strict and opinionated on the use of medication for any kind of mental illness. “You’re faking it” or “It’s all in your head” are the kind of things I was told all throughout my childhood. With those kinds of mind sets I had no idea that I even had a mental illness ,let alone that something was seriously wrong with me. I lived a good portion of my life going through constant and severe panic attacks over the ‘littlest’ things you could imagine; I couldn’t walk by myself, I couldn’t let my sister go off on her own without me having a freak out, I could not get into any form of trouble at all or I would absolutely lose it. Each thing that was so seemingly small and minuscule to others was like the end of the world for me and I didn’t know what was wrong.

I went through my daily life in constant horror and terror and could not live my life the way a growing adolescent should. Yet every time I brought up my problems I was told that I was “too paranoid,” or a hypochondriac, that I belong in a straight jacket…the list goes on. No one took me seriously and so I continued to live in a world full of pain, fear, and confusion.

Fast forward to my entrance into university: I was ready for a fresh and new start. I was already living my life basically as an adult because of the childhood that anxiety had stripped from me, so I thought I was super prepared. I mean I could do anything because I was already on my own in my world at home so I could totally live on my own, right? Well that wasn’t exactly how it went… somehow my anxiety got worse and spiraled, then, the depression set in. I couldn’t and wouldn’t get out of bed for anything. I was failing, I was sad and I just did not know if I even wanted to be in the program I was in anymore because I was failing. I mean, I had never failed anything…ever. I was a smart and hard-working student despite all of the hurdles I had to overcome at home.  However, being on my own and having so much freedom and having to self-regulate myself destroyed me. I was lost, more lost than  I have ever been and I had no one to turn to. Even if I did tell someone, my family never ever talked about this kind of thing so who would have believed me? I didn’t know who I could talk to or who would be able to help me. I felt as thought I was never going to get better… Once again my life was shrouded in sadness and overwhelming guilt…the panic attacks just kept coming.

I was so behind in classes that I would give up because by the time I caught up there would be more and more to do. I was drowning. I had to get my life together and it had to be fast because if I didn’t move fast my University career that I worked so hard to get would be done and over.

Finally I woke up. I stopped feeling sorry for myself and made an appointment with career services because I had to figure out my life and what I wanted, not what anyone else wanted for me. There I met Waleska Vernon; she was the most positive light force in my life that helped me realize that not only could I reach my full potential in my program, but that I wanted to be there and I wanted to work hard and succeed. She allowed me to open up and tell her everything that I had been through, my anxiety journey and she didn’t judge me, she just listened. She took me on as a counselling client and I saw her every week; we worked through anything I felt awful about: my emotional regulation, breathing exercises, my career questions. Basically to everything and anything she had an answer and if she didn’t she worked damn hard to find it for me.

I had someone who finally cared about my well-being and because of that I cared too. When she asked me about medication options for anxiety, I couldn’t believe that was even something I could do. She encouraged me to make an appointment and that I guess is where my story ends… I have been on anxiety medication for almost three years now and the anxiety may never go away but these meds have allowed me to live a happy, non – erratic and healthy life. And without Waleska I wouldn’t have been able to succeed or do the things I have accomplished in my life to date.

Waleska left a year or so ago and I had to open myself up to someone else, which wasn’t easy but I did it. But I should thank her because without her I probably wouldn’t be at this university, my anxiety would have taken over and I probably would be back at home working some minimum wage job (which I do now but hey it pays the bills) and not getting my undergrad which I know I deserve. So my take away message I suppose is: do not let anyone tell you that your problems do not matter; cause they do. Only you can make the changes you want to see in yourself but opening up to anyone who will listen and who you trust a great deal can change your life for the better. Do not be afraid to do things for yourself because at the end of the day you know what is best for you. Screw the haters my friends, love yourself and overall know that you are worthy of living a life you want to live.