I feel like I’m playing a role-playing game (RPG) about a side character who wants to sabotage the main character but cannot do so because they know the main character did nothing wrong. The main character has a happy family, loads of friends, always seems happy. They go on plenty of quests and is adored by all the other game sprites.
The side character did not have that.
They do not want to be a villain but they cannot help but feel anger towards those who were born into an environment that did not reject them for who they are. Everyone ignores them and their story. They disappear into the background at times and no one in the world knows who they are.
They’re scared, they do not want to harm anyone but that rage that burns inside of them feels overwhelming. What is worse is that there is no one who can openly express that they feel the same way. The side character is alone, in the background, without as much detail or expression as the main character. Was it because they were created that way? Or was it because they cannot fathom being a main character.
The whole game is about the side character, who is actually the main character of their own life in game but nothing more. Their part as a main character IS to be a lesser being. But that’s wrong. It feels wrong. But there’s nothing the player can do because that’s just the way the game was developed.
Now, how can I love such a frustrating game? How can I not be envious of the perceived main character?
I tossed the controller down but I keep playing, hoping that life will get better for my avatar. I want them to feel loved. To love. To smile more and cry less. To not have to struggle with the burning jealousy of someone who did not suffer the way my character had. To not desire someone to understand, meaning that others would have experienced the same thing. Being pushed to the side by the game they were created into.
Maybe if I keep leveling, it’ll get better.
Maybe if I keep playing, it’ll get better.
Maybe it’ll get better.