So unfortunately last week I had to make the hardest decision of my life. I had to decide it was time to say goodbye to my hedgehog Tyrion. He unfortunately had cancer and a bad bleed in his little tummy.
Tyrion had been with me through a lot of hard times. Having anxiety and sometimes doubting myself and the things I create or do made it hard to want to get out of bed or even face the world sometimes. Having Tyrion made it better and being his mommy made me feel like I was doing something right because I had him to count on me. When I was feeling down about myself or things I tried to do, I would take him out of his cage and cuddle with him and he would lay in my hair and give me little kisses and somehow I would feel a lot better.
I didn’t expect my hedgehog to die. It wasn’t something that was prolonged or drawn out. I thought he would get some medicine, he would go home and we would all be okay… unfortunately that was not the case and I was the biggest mess inside that Veterinary Hospital. He was only 2 and life was very unfair to me and him.
I try my best to be positive about the situation. He is no longer suffering and I gave him the best life he could have had. I was very proud to be his mom, especially when people anywhere, but mostly the vet’s office would gasp and coo at him saying he was so friendly and they had never experienced a hedgehog that way. I try my best to think of the good times and all the times we had together. It is hard not to talk to him anymore or to have to take care of something.
It also didn’t help that my vet bill was ridiculous. So in the ache of my snotty nose and tear filled agony, I also went mega broke. My anxiety is now up two fold because I no longer have the pet I had raised and cared for and my credit cards are through the roof. On top of all this I also get to go to work, school, and placement. Which did I mention I didn’t go to work that ENTIRE WEEK? Oh yeah, cause I wasn’t about to bawl in the middle of a lunch rush so… that was a no go. My mental health was a hell of a lot more important than my job at that point… and thankfully they were all understanding.
So where does this leave me? I am incredibly lonely, sad, and pretty fricken broke. A lot of people, including my vet, said that time heals and it will hurt for a while and I may not want another pet for a long time. The mourning and grief and hearing the “I’m sorry’s” are always the hardest but eventually they will get better.. or so I am told.
After all this there is a happy ending to this story, kinda. The other night I was looking through a buy and sell group I am a part of on my Facebook because I was bored mostly.. and I stumbled upon a little baby hedgehog, just a month old. Now I know a lot of people will tell me I should have patience and wait a little longer but I felt that seeing this little baby was a sign. I know Tyrion would want me to be happy and I have a lot (I mean A LOT) of love to give to another quill baby. So despite all my misery and sadness, I get to be a hedgehog mommy once again.
I will never ever forget Tyrion but I think this is a good way to settle my own grief and handle my own loss. This is not a replacement but just another hedgehog to care for and love and I am glad Tyrion taught me so many things about being a hedgehog mom because this will make me an even better mom this time around.
Rest in peace Mister Tyrion, I love you ❤ xox