It’s now the 4th week of school, and the first round of assignments are either done or quickly approaching. And I am in a strange in-between. Coming down off the high that is staying up late to put the finishing touches on an assignment, but also trying to maintain it because I know more is right around the corner, and after that its midterm exams.
I’m trying to do my best at keeping calm, trying not to let the ever creeping, over powering, stomach twisting, mind frazzling anxiety take over. On that edge of “I CARE A LOT!” and “well, I really don’t want to do anything”. Because Its one thing to have motivation and no desire, because you can still get the job done. However, for those like me who have that powerful desire but a somewhat dwindling motivation it can be extremely hard to get started. I know its coming, you know its coming. Assignments! Tests! Quizzes! Projects! GROUP Projects! But right now its quiet.
I’m in power save mode. Trying to do things here and there to prepare, but still feeling like I’m somehow forgetting something. Each year, each semester becoming a challenge, as it should as we advance to higher learning. But I can’t help but long for a simpler time. It wasn’t that long ago even; it was my first year of university. It was a new found freedom, exciting but scary. When the word “free time” actually meant time where I didn’t have to be doing some form of work. But…I am honestly happy at where I have progressed to. The simpler times of first year may be over, but things have gotten a lot more interesting as the years have progressed. New topics, new people, new initiatives to be apart of. Watching things grow and/or fizzle out. Feeling like a train in motion, headed straight for my goal, what I, like many students have worked so hard for, graduation.
However, I’m not in such a hurry anymore. Where the calm was once deafening, it is now comforting. Where I once was unsure, I am now still unsure but have the resources and tools to help me find my way. Right now, I feel like I can take on anything, even though in reality I may not be able to. But I have hope and determination. I can feel my levels of desire and motivation finding a happy middle to meet. Not too much motivation where it blinds me to the world around me and causes me to feel like I’m burning out. And not too much desire that I’m distraught when something doesn’t turn out the way I wanted. I am in a happy in-between; a mixture of emotions. Right now I am in the calm before the storm, I have my life jacket tied tight and my boat is in good condition. I. Am. Ready.