My Autistic Experience – Where My Focus Lies

It’s been a while since I’ve written anything for this blog, and this is for a few reasons.

The first is an easy response. I have been very busy as a graduate student. I started graduate studies back in the summer and thus far I am finding it to be quite enjoyable. While it is hard work, I find that most of it is more suited to my skills. I like doing research and discovering new things. I also like teaching, although I have fewer opportunities to do so. In this case I will make do with my voice on this blog.

The second answer requires some thought and is far less flattering. I have tried a few times to write a post. I have even received a few ideas that I thought were good and attempted numerous times to write.

And yet – try as I might – I cannot motivate myself to write anything.

I’m not depressed or anything like that. I have read enough posts on this blog to know that I am not prone to the state of mind associated with depression. I am more prone to lashing out at an inanimate object in my room.

On one hand I am simply having trouble coming up with things to say on the subject. I feel like I have covered my past quite thoroughly, and I am not terribly interested in covering more recent events.

On the other hand, I think that I am just bored of this subject matter. Having covered everything, I feel like I have little else left to say. I don’t feel like we are covering any new ground. We’re just covering the same ideas over and over and over again like clockwork.

There are a lot of things that I would be interested in talking about, but I don’t think they are appropriate for a mental health blog. There are perhaps some mental health related subjects I’d be interested in discussing, and that began with my previous post (My Autistic Experience – What IS So Funny About Mental Illness?). It was my attempt to probe at a question that is asked too often but answered rarely – something that I find is rather unfortunate. I have lost track of the number of times I have said that in order to come up with a good solution to a problem, we need to understand its source.

It is a double-edged sword to see things that others do not. My condition is a mixed bag of blessings and curses. For every social situation I struggle to grasp, there is another sort of problem with a solution that I see as obvious, yet a problem that I see as obvious is a problem that others have to think about. Perhaps in my ignorance I think they are shallow – my instinct is that others who do not see what I see must not be thinking about the problem honestly and openly.

How does someone like me bring about the solutions they have in their mind that no one else sees? I suppose by reaching out to people one at a time – showing them what I see and being patient.

I have read through the post introducing the Student Advisory Committee and I am fascinated by how much they care about the issue of mental health. I am also fascinated by the differences between their approach and mine. On some level it is probably the reason that they are the members of the Student Advisory Committee. I am interested in seeing what they do, and I hope they see the merit of what I have to say.

Will I continue to post on the blog? I suspect I will on occasion, if I can think of something to say and overcome my lack of motivation. I will continue to read what people have to say and I will comment when I have something to say.


2 thoughts on “My Autistic Experience – Where My Focus Lies

  1. It can definitely be difficult picking a topic to write about and I’m sure a lot of bloggers face this struggle. I’m glad you have been focusing on your studies and it’s wonderful that you are enjoying them. I hope if you find a topic you are interested in and dedicated to, that you will post about it. Until then I wish you the best of luck!

    Liked by 1 person

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