Lately I have been thinking about my dream for the world.
Some of these thoughts have been provoked by the recent election results. Recently, I realized that there is no politician who could represent me. How can a politician represent a scientifically literate autistic? The answer is that he or she probably could not. The best I could hope for is that we want the same thing in the end, but if I find myself disappointed by every method, then does it even matter?
I wish to leave the world in a better place than it was before I got here. Often I see the world as a broken place, but I also see it as a great puzzle to be put together with patience and care.
One of my favourite quotes is from H. L. Mencken: “For every complex problem there is an answer that is clear, simple, and wrong.” The puzzle is more complex than most people realize, and I resolve to take great care in assembling it.
Some people also see a world that needs to be fixed, but the way they go about fixing it only leaves me with more work to do. Its as if by trying to fix the world they take my puzzle pieces and break them up into smaller ones. The result is a larger, more complex puzzle in which I must undo what was done.
Others see the world like I do, but they do nothing about it. Perhaps they see the world as beyond repair. Perhaps they believe in a world after this one, one that is already better. The pieces are right in front of them, but they make no move to assemble the puzzle.
I want to make the world a better place, and the best tools I have for doing this is through science and education. I want one day to become a professor so that I may conduct my own research and teach a new generation of students. I hope to inspire people with my drive, ambition, and love of science. I hope to leave behind a legacy of people who will continue to pick up the pieces and assemble a better world for generations to come.
Not everyone will agree with my desired end result, nor will everyone agree with the tools and methods I used to get there. Perhaps not even everyone here will, for while I have outlined the tools, I have not outlined what my idea of a fixed world is. I suppose that is to be expected. I want to live in a world where everyone has the tools necessary to achieve self-actualization, where everyone is equal in opportunity, and where people are encouraged to push the frontier of knowledge, understanding, and application.
Sometimes my condition helps me in this regard. A common autistic trait is incredible, single-minded focus on particular subjects and goals. In this way it is good that I am autistic. With my great focus on subjects that interest and engage me, it is as if there is a fire within me that pushes me towards ambition and interest. Sure I get lazy now and then, but everyone needs to rest now and then. My goal is always on my mind, though, and every most of my thoughts are about how I can make my dreams and ambitions into a reality.
Unfortunately, singleminded passion can be hard to direct. Sometimes trivia enters my purview of focus, which would be okay if I could direct my fascination towards multiple subjects. I can do this to a certain degree. I can hold one or two trivial passions at once while I hold onto my grand ambition. The trouble is that it is hard for me to focus on anything that is outside of my ambition and my momentary trivial passions.
This is part of the reason that I was able to write so many blog posts in the summer, but am now having trouble posting on a weekly basis. I have other interests and obligations that require my time, and have already gone through the easy subjects. However, so long as I have something to say on the matter, I will continue to post. If anyone has suggestions, I will consider them and make a post if I think I can write something that I can discuss at some length.
The other problem is that individuals almost never capture my singleminded passion. I wonder if perhaps my focus on the horizon sometimes leads to others believing that I am callous. This must be part of why I don’t give people very good first impressions. My ambition is to help people through education and science, but dealing with people more often than not is difficult for me. The fire within me is overwhelming, to the point that my patience is sometimes limited.
I need to keep this in mind when I try to teach people. I like teaching and I have been told that I am good at it, but when people do not grasp things the way that I do, the fire threatens from within. I think it is good that I know this, though. Knowing this, I can take steps towards self-control. Things that are easy for me are not always easy for others, and on the flip side, things that are easy for others are not always easy for me.
And so everyone has the chance to learn, and so everyone has the chance to make the world better for everyone else.