Suicide

Thoughts on Suicide..

** WARNING**: Possible trigger for some; please read with caution to your own mental health

Sometimes I’ll pass by someone on the street and they are just glowing with happiness and it makes me think, I wonder if they always look so happy… is that a reality people actually face? Where they can spend a day in happiness until something negative effects them instead of spending the day in sadness until something positive sparks some happiness… even if just for a few moments. Is it possible for some people to go a day, a week or maybe even their entire existence without seriously considering the option of suicide?

Things like that sound foreign to me, it’s as if happiness is something I am only allowed to experience in small doses. There isn’t a day that goes by that I think everything would just be easier if I died- and sure people have those thoughts from time to time but not many people go to Shoppers Drug Mart and buy sleeping pills with the intention of taking the whole bottle… or cutting themselves just to feel a pain that isn’t on the inside- to leave the trap they’ve been caught in within their own mind for a while.

Suicide, what can I even say? It’s such a hard concept to explain- the feeling of not being good enough, wanting all the pain to stop… for everything to just stop. It’s become a normal thought for me and the close people (maybe 2) around me- even though sometimes they don’t understand I can’t be mad at that, they are trying and they only want what is best for me.

I think the biggest thing to get out of this is that everyone is fighting their own battle so be kind; comments like “go kill yourself” are NOT funny and when said to the wrong person could spark something that you could never imagine. It is 100% okay to not understand the feeling of wanting to die, but it is not acceptable to judge anyone or make comments about such a topic when you have no idea what’s like.

More importantly, for anyone reading that feels the same way; YOU ARE NOT ALONE!

The scariest thing in the world is feeling like you have no one when that is all you need but there are always ways to get your feelings out without putting yourself in a harmful situation. You are a beautiful, amazing person and don’t ever forget that!

Durham Distress Centre 24/7 Distress Hotline- 905-430- 2522 or toll-free 1-800-452-0688

^ This is just one of many resources you can connect with if you do not feel comfortable talking to someone you know about your mental health.

(I know this is a long shot but for anyone who needs to talk to or confide in someone they feel can relate to them, feel free to shoot me a message- I would never share anyone’s personal stories without permission)

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14 thoughts on “Thoughts on Suicide..

  1. I reach for this poem when feeling vulnerable. It has helped

    Resumé
    BY DOROTHY PARKER
    Razors pain you;
    Rivers are damp;
    Acids stain you;
    And drugs cause cramp.
    Guns aren’t lawful;
    Nooses give;
    Gas smells awful;
    You might as well live.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Thank you dlgbruh.
    In my neighbourhood one family already started decorating for Halloween. They have many skeletons hanging from nooses on trees, garages or in windows. Not just skeletons like we all have, but skeletons hanging from long nooses. I have my own history of attempting suicide. Also, My boyfriend’s brother died by hanging 2 years ago. last night I watched these skeletons swinging in the wind and got sick. I know that my neighbours display is to scare kids, no harm meant. I know that. I still felt sick through. I guess the trigger hit too close.
    Thank you for your posts.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you for sharing- I am sorry to hear about that; it must be extremely difficult to see something like that. To be honest I myself had not even thought of it that way and I thank you for opening my eyes to that- you are right, no harm meant but to some it is extremely harmful. Keep your head up, I cant say things will be perfect but they will get better ❤

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  3. Thank you for your post. I want to share my story. I am a survivor. I am no longer suicidal. I realized sińce how huge and irreversible mistake I almost made. My attemptc completely changed my life. I realized that i want to live. And I don’t want to suffer. I had to make changes as nobody could live my life- it was too draining and too painful. I went back to treatment, I became more aware of things and people, I reconnected with my interest and passion: sketching horses. My counsellor “prescribed” me with as much human contact as possible and working out. He also taught me to change my thoughts Both were initially a struggle, now enjoyable things I could not be without. I am better than I have ever been. It sounds awful, but my attempt gave me the push I needed to reevaluate my life. I am not particularly brave or smart and I did it. You can to. Suicide is not an answer.

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  4. Great post.
    I would like to add a few thoughts. If you trying to help a person like me when we feel suicidal, please be mindful of a few things. Often people try to be well-meaning but come across as patronizing.Please:

    – Never mock or make jokes about mental illness. Like dlgbruh said: don’t say things like ” Go kill yourself”. Learn compassion for people whose brains are not working well.

    – When you say “Talk to someone!” or “Talk to a friend!”, I hear: “Don’t talk to me.”

    – When you say “But you have your whole life ahead of you!” I think: “Yes, thank you, that’s the problem.”

    – When you say “Go for a walk”, “Go out and have some fun”, ” Get drunk, get laid, get spontaneous”, I feel that you can’t relate and trivialize my agony.

    – When you try to tell me of the people who will be hurt if I die, you add more guilt to all the bad feelings I already have. Guess what it does to my suicidality.

    I know that you care, but I feel that all of your responses are based on your fear: I’m afraid this person will die and it will be my fault. Don’t feel that way, the average person has no clue on how to respond to a depressed suicidal person like me, and it is not fair to put it on your shoulders. You, like most people don’t have the emotional capacity to counsel a suicidal person. You can’t handle listening to me more than three or four times without being harmed yourself. And I can’t accept the thought that I made somebody else suffer. Don’t try too hard, just be with me.

    I am severely depressed and suicidal. What I wrote relates to how I feel and experience life. I hope that my notes will not stop you from trying to help others who are most likely not as severe cases as mine. Thank you

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    1. Thank you for your reply, except im not sure why you think I am just trying to help people. I myself suffer from depression and anxiety and have my own experiences in suicide. This blog is mainly for me and if I help people that is great.

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  5. I am sorry dlgbruh, I am really sorry. After re-reading my post in context of your reply, it really seems like I was talking to you directly. What I wanted to do is to talk to everybody, a reader, a collective YOU, Not you personally. I should’ve phrased it differently. I wrote it early in AM after another bad night. I appreciate your post. It really resonated with me and I just wanted to add my perspective to yours. I am really sorry.

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    1. I apologize for the way I replied to you- like you I was in a really bad state of mind and should have waited to comment back. I am glad you enjoyed my post and i completely agree with your comments, sometimes people say things and dont realize it is only more harmful. I know we dont know each other, but I know that life will get better and we both need to hold on (face our battles) because there will be a positive light at the end of the tunnel, we will get through this… even if its only one day at a time. Keep your head up! 🙂

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  6. This is helphful, thank you for this post. I with that everybody could read it to get a better understanding how it feels to be so desperate to consider suicide

    Like

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