** WARNING**: Possible trigger for some; please read with caution to your own mental health
Sometimes I’ll pass by someone on the street and they are just glowing with happiness and it makes me think, I wonder if they always look so happy… is that a reality people actually face? Where they can spend a day in happiness until something negative effects them instead of spending the day in sadness until something positive sparks some happiness… even if just for a few moments. Is it possible for some people to go a day, a week or maybe even their entire existence without seriously considering the option of suicide?
Things like that sound foreign to me, it’s as if happiness is something I am only allowed to experience in small doses. There isn’t a day that goes by that I think everything would just be easier if I died- and sure people have those thoughts from time to time but not many people go to Shoppers Drug Mart and buy sleeping pills with the intention of taking the whole bottle… or cutting themselves just to feel a pain that isn’t on the inside- to leave the trap they’ve been caught in within their own mind for a while.
Suicide, what can I even say? It’s such a hard concept to explain- the feeling of not being good enough, wanting all the pain to stop… for everything to just stop. It’s become a normal thought for me and the close people (maybe 2) around me- even though sometimes they don’t understand I can’t be mad at that, they are trying and they only want what is best for me.
I think the biggest thing to get out of this is that everyone is fighting their own battle so be kind; comments like “go kill yourself” are NOT funny and when said to the wrong person could spark something that you could never imagine. It is 100% okay to not understand the feeling of wanting to die, but it is not acceptable to judge anyone or make comments about such a topic when you have no idea what’s like.
More importantly, for anyone reading that feels the same way; YOU ARE NOT ALONE!
The scariest thing in the world is feeling like you have no one when that is all you need but there are always ways to get your feelings out without putting yourself in a harmful situation. You are a beautiful, amazing person and don’t ever forget that!
Durham Distress Centre 24/7 Distress Hotline- 905-430- 2522 or toll-free 1-800-452-0688
^ This is just one of many resources you can connect with if you do not feel comfortable talking to someone you know about your mental health.
(I know this is a long shot but for anyone who needs to talk to or confide in someone they feel can relate to them, feel free to shoot me a message- I would never share anyone’s personal stories without permission)